Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
