And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
