I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
