she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
