My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
