I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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