I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
