how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's even glitter on my cock...
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