You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
