Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Randomize
