My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
