whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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