Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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