Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
