when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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