What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
