some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
