How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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