Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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