Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
