Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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