he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
