If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
