he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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