This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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