DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
