he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is that a dick in a sweater?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
