I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
