I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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