So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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