I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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