If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
