you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
