Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
