he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
