And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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