So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
