so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
