Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
