Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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