I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
