I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
