My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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