Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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