He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
