I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
