Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
