I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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