I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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