He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
