I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
