Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
