ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
